My journey as a SAS doctor with dyslexia
“She is behind on reading because she spoke French first, then English”. This is what my parents were told after I had numerous tests at a London children’s hospital, aged eight.
I went to local schools and was a high achiever. I got straight As and A*s in GCSEs, an A in French A-level (taken a year early, at an advantage of being bilingual) and Bs in Physics, Chemistry and Maths. I was the only pupil in my year to be accepted to study medicine.
"You are dyslexic, the education psychologist told me, now aged 35".
I regret not taking biology and blamed my first medical exam result (35 per cent) on this. I had never had such a low mark in all my schooling. It also frustrated me that we had to write weekly essays on different topics. I often felt overwhelmed by the amount of work to do, and the level of focus I had to sustain in lectures just to take notes. Revision was a mix of spider diagrams, pictures, pathways and colours.
I started an obstetrics and gynaecology ST programme, however, I handed my number back after becoming a ' trainee in difficulty'. I was burned out, felt isolated and had severe PTSD as a result of a car crash during my first year as a doctor. Things might have not been different had I had a diagnosis, however I think I might have been kinder with myself and had more insight into how important it was to rest and recover in between shifts and manage myself.
“You are dyslexic", the education psychologist told me, now aged 35, during week three of my MSc in reproductive and sexual health research, at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. This was news to me. So, the things that I did that I thought made me a ‘weak’ doctor were things that I was trying to do to support the dyslexia? Taking regular breaks, wanting a quiet space to write notes, only reading abstracts to papers.
Was this why I found there were times I could work an entire shift with a colleague, but with no ID badge, I’d have no recollection of their name? It explained a lot.
"I am now a specialty doctor in sexual health and work in a clinic-based environment."
As a result of this diagnosis, I was advised to reduce my reading load for work, have regular breaks, regular sleep and down time, clear fonts to read, and so the list went on.
At my place of study, I was provided with a laptop, a large screen and specialised software to support my MSc studies. I was also assigned a support worker who met with me regularly to help plan and manage my workload, offer tips and advice on requesting extensions when necessary. During my exams, I was granted 25 per cent additional time and a quiet room with fewer students in it. I feel that having these extra measures in place to support my studies and dyslexia meant that I passed the membership of the Faculty of Sexual Reproductive Health exam first time, now aged 40, prior to this I had failed two post graduate exams.
I am now a specialty doctor in sexual health and work in a clinic-based environment. I have my own office which I share with a colleague, which makes admin much less tiring, and I feel less distracted by other people’s conversations than I would in an open office. If I’m interrupted my thought process goes out of the window, so using noise cancelling headphones also helps with my focus, and I am supported and enabled to explain why I use them. I have been open and honest with my employer about my neurodivergence, and they have supported me by asking if I need anything specific to help in my work. Screen tints have been offered and I use a digital dictation system which connects to my phone The ability to convert PDFs to a Word document is also useful to annotate documents with colour and bold prints.
We use a proforma for our patients to document the consultation. This includes points on counselling patients for contraception. It’s a great tool for me to use as it provides a visual prompt when my ‘processing desktop’, as I explain it to patients, is slow sometimes and needs a nudge or when I am interrupted, to make sure I don’t forget to explain anything.
"The ability to hyper focus and stay calm in an emergency helped me whilst working in obstetrics and gynaecology, and I enjoy practical skills where I find my flow."
I have learned that my verbal memory is poor, so for me to work effectively I am learning to ask that everything needs is written down, timelines discussed, and expectations agreed from the outset. All actions need to go into my Outlook calendar or written down, including tasks to do during my supporting professional activity (SPA) and education sessions to stop myself from getting too distracted by other activities. These steps help me better manage, plan and prioritise my workloads. In retrospect my symptoms associated with the peri menopause impacted my dyslexia struggles and starting HRT has helped with my memory and brain fog and work finding issues. Luckily there is a lot of information at work about this however, I had not realised to what extent it had shown up my struggles which I was previously managing with well.
I have given a teaching session on neurodiversity for the department. Sometimes, I might mention to a patient that I am dyslexic especially those with neurodiversity themselves. The consultation suddenly becomes more direct and authentic, and I will ask early on what better supports them during their appointment. Young people have fed back to me that they liked to know “even a doctor could be dyslexic”. I feel that having more awareness of my struggles makes me more empathetic and understanding of the needs of patients who are neuro diverse whether diagnosed or not.
The ability to hyper focus and stay calm in an emergency helped me whilst working in obstetrics and gynaecology and I enjoy practical skills where I find my flow. I am able to identify and support patients (often more vulnerable) in the service whom might be behaving aggressively towards the staff, but once put in a calmer environment in a room and listened to are able to verbalise their needs in a less emotional manner, rather than escalating and calling security.
I have been open with my ND and supported postgraduate doctors in training when they have repeatedly failed exams to get assessed themselves. This has resulted them being diagnosed and accessing the support they needed.
I still experience episodes of deep frustration and low self-esteem, feeling that I have let myself down when I forget basic facts, key information, diary events and conversations. I often miss typos when re-reading my work and feel overwhelmed by lengthy documents due to their lack of visual aids to help me understand the content and structure.
To cope, I shift my focus by changing tasks and returning to the original task when I feel calmer. However, if I persist, I sometimes experience palpitations, anxiety, and even tears. I’ve started using an app called ‘How We Feel,’ which helps me articulate my emotions. Additionally, I rely on my Apple Watch to set recurring timers, helping me stay on schedule and avoid distractions. I also use Google Maps to plan travel times, notes on my phone, and password support to manage my day effectively. I think most people use these too!
I’m less hard on myself now. I make sure I take regular breaks when working, change tasks regularly to maintain focus, eat well and sleep well. Talking to my employer about any adjustments I need has helped me feel more confident in advocating for myself and colleagues; it makes a huge difference working for a supportive employer and understanding colleagues.
